It will take me a few days of thinking and deciding to be vulnerable enough to write this article. I want you to know that I’m committing to opening up and putting my life out there through these articles. Let’s start with what killed my feelings for someone. 

I recently stopped loving someone first romantically. One thing that stood out for me was how easy it was to let go after several years of trying. Don’t judge me just yet. Loving someone isn’t a day’s job. You know get to know them and their personality grows on you. You pay attention to their best traits and start to think of how great a person they are. You get so fixated on the good they do that you start to make excuses for their weakness. Aren’t we all imperfect anyway? But imperfections are different from red flags.

Every time the red flags came up and I got hurt, I would try to kill my feelings for them but would struggle and that is because I keep crapping for the little good they were throwing my way. It’s funny how we are wired as humans. Trust me, this experience taught me never to be quick to judge others or say “never”. It just might be you in the twinkle of an eye. It was me this time around. Yeah, it was.

What killed my feelings for this someone was loving myself. I realized the more I loved myself that I also deserved the grace I was extending out to them. I realized I didn’t deserve to be treated that way and I saw that no one worth fighting for would hurt me in that way. The more I saw things this way, I started seeing I was holding on and fighting for the wrong things. Maybe they are not that bad a human, but they don’t think I am worthy of consideration and deserve better. What took me five years was over in a few weeks. 

To whoever is reading this, your feelings for someone dying aren’t about a particular thing or event. It is mostly about you and how you view yourself. What do you deserve? How do you want to be loved? Extend grace to yourself first. Then you will be in a better position to determine who you permit to love you. Who you trust to take care of you. If they aren’t doing that in the right way, then it’s time to kill your feelings and take care of yourself. 

Remember, it’s not about who they are. Whether good or bad. Neither is it about what you feel for them. It is about how they treat you even especially when things aren’t going their way. I hope you dare to love yourself enough to kill that feelings you’ve been fighting. You deserve Love also. Love Yourself.

Do you know there’s a relationship group here in ATL? Here is a link to join. 

Watch out for the next episode to learn more about my love life!